Why You Should Never Date Someone Who Does These Things

“I can’t keep making excuses for him anymore,” Samantha said, eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Is it really so much to ask to be treated with basic kindness and respect?”

In that heart-wrenching moment, I felt her pain keenly. As a life coach, I’ve borne witness to too many wonderful souls like Samantha who have stayed in toxic patterns, convincing themselves that emotional cruelty or blatant disrespect was somehow acceptable – even normal. 

Sadly, many of us subconsciously recreate the unhealthy dynamics we witnessed growing up. Or we try in vain to fill an inner emptiness with someone else’s poisonous affections. Before we know it, we’re ensnared in a toxic web, accepting treatment no one deserves.

So today, I want to shine a light on ten malignant behaviors you should never tolerate from a partner. Consider this a firm yet loving wake-up call, dear ones. You deserve to be cherished, not crushed, uplifted, not undermined.

1. They Demand You “Prove” Your Worth

At her wits’ end with Jake’s games, Lily sobbed, “No matter what I do, he treats me like I’m never good enough. Like I constantly need to earn his approval.”

A partner who truly loves you will never make you feel like you have to relentlessly validate your value. You are worthy simply by being human, flaws and all. The right person will recognize and nurture your divine spark, not dangle compliments as a weapon to control you.

2. They Gaslight You

“I know what I saw, Greg!” Chloe cried during one tense session. “Yet every time I bring it up, he makes me feel crazy.” 

Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse where your partner denies reality or your lived experiences, distorting the truth to make you question your sanity. It’s a violation of the most sacred trust, leaving you swirling in a vortex of self-doubt.

Trust your instincts. If their version of events clashes with what you know to be true, their perspective is the problem – not yours.

3. They Avoid Meaningful Conversations

I’ll never forget Marcus’ pained expression as he said, “Lauren shuts down anytime I try to discuss our future like she has one foot out the door.”

Healthy relationships require open communication about life’s weightier matters – values, goals, boundaries. A partner who avoids these conversations is signaling their lack of investment in your shared journey. If they can’t have the tough talks, how can you trust they’ll show up for life’s inevitable challenges?

4. They Weaponize Your Vulnerabilities

Molly’s voice shook as she recounted the latest blowout fight. “He knows my deepest insecurities, but he’ll still throw them in my face whenever he’s angry. It’s like emotional torture.”

When you open your heart to a partner, you’re gifting them an invaluable treasure – the rawness of your authentic self. Using that gift as ammunition to inflict pain is a profound betrayal of trust. A loving partner will safeguard your vulnerabilities, not exploit them.

5. They Make You Feel Utterly Alone

“I’m constantly fighting these battles by myself,” Tara said, slumping in the chair. “Ryan’s great when things are easy, but he checks out the second I really need his support.”

Relationships should provide the soothing balm of partnership – the assurance that you’ve got backup through life’s trials. If your partner recedes at the first sign of struggle, leaving you marooned on your own desolate island, it may be time to re-evaluate their capacity for true commitment.

6. They Relegate You to the Bottom of Their Priorities

Amy’s frustration was palpable when she said, “If I’m lucky, I rank somewhere between laundry and grocery shopping on Chris’s to-do list.” 

Being someone’s romantic partner means occupying a special place in their inner constellation – not carelessly brushed aside whenever life’s whirlwinds kick up. While occasional personal priorities are unavoidable, feeling permanently sidelined crosses a sacred boundary. You deserve to be cherished, not shelved.

7. They Disrespect You and Your Boundaries

With raw vulnerability, Jackson shared, “Mel swore at me, threw a glass, and then said she was just blowing off steam. I can’t keep normalizing that behavior.”

Respect and healthy boundaries form the bedrock of any loving relationship. Everyone has lines they won’t allow others to cross – for their safety, values, and self-worth. Flagrantly violating those boundaries isn’t a “mistake” – it’s a choice. One a caring partner would never consciously make.

8. They Undermine Your Dreams

“You know that culinary program I wanted to enroll in?” Gina asked, barely masking her pain. “Well, Tim told me I’m too old, and it’s a silly idea that’ll never work out.”

We all have callings that ignite our fire – cherished ambitions we hope to manifest. A supportive partner is your loudest cheerleader, come what may, not the snuffer extinguishing your dearest dreams before they’ve even flickered to life.

9. They Betray Your Trust

Kate’s voice grew smaller during our call as she recounted Steve’s latest indiscretions. “He swore up and down it was strictly platonic with his coworker, but I walked in and saw everything.”

Look, we all mess up sometimes. Lives and relationships are inevitably imperfect. But deliberately betraying a partner’s emotional and physical trust through infidelity is unacceptable – full stop. A monogamous commitment means forsaking all others. Not “taking a break” when it suits you.

10. They Inflict Any Form of Abuse

There’s no grey area here. Abuse – be it physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, or otherwise – is a malignant force that should never be tolerated, excused, or subjected to “wait and see.” 

If your partner ever makes you feel unsafe, threatened, or violates your core boundaries, it’s time to leave. Simple as that. You deserve to feel cherished, respected, and secure in your own home and heart.

My heart breaks when clients share the deep hurts they’ve endured in toxic relationships. Though love can inspire us to be patient, it must never blind us to outright cruelty or disrespect. You deserve a love that tends to your wings, not tears out their feathers. 

So please, dear ones, heed these warnings if you recognize these patterns in your own lives. Demand better – because you’re worth it. Move on from poisonous dynamics cloaked as passion. An abundantly kinder reality, where you blossom instead of wilt, awaits.

Watch the actions, not just the words. Toxicity shows itself through deeds, not pretty, nothing whispered under the moonlight.

Walk away when toxins pollute the air you breathe. Trust that you’re worthy of a love that nurtures and uplifts you, always. Have the courage to transform your reality by releasing what no longer serves you and saying yes to the beauty you deserve.