The Art of Making Others Feel Extraordinary
Having served as a life coach for many years, where I’ve been fortunate to work with many different individuals on their personal and professional development, I have found that one of the amazing skills we can develop is the ability to make others feel amazing. This concept has nothing to do with great pomp or praise – it is simply and easily making connections with people through simple but meaningful actions and behavior toward them.
Today, I will share with you an effective approach I have spent years working with clients, which, when adapted to you, has been a powerful way of guiding clients to build better relationships and have valued breakthroughs both personally and professionally. Wherever you may want to make connections with another human being – to improve your man/woman relationships, advance in your profession, connect with others on a personal level, or simply want to be a more empathetic person to others to connect with them, these practices will help you develop meaningful engagement to transform people’s perspective.
The Power of Undivided Attention
As our world becomes more distracted, giving someone your full, undivided attention is a rare and beautiful gift. I have seen the impact that giving your full attention to someone can have on a person’s demeanor and ability to connect.
I had a client, for example, Mark, who came in to see me feeling defeated and undervalued in his job. The moment he sat down in my office, I made a conscious decision to show him that he had my full attention. I consciously turned my phone off, put my phone out of sight, and planned for our meeting to be free of interruptions. These actions, conscious or otherwise, sent a strong message, “You are all that matters right now, and your story matters.”
This action is not saying, “I am showing you that I am giving you my undivided attention.” Rather, you are showing it with your behavior. By creating a space free of distractions, your listening transforms into honoring the other person’s presence and, therefore, their value.
The Art of Active Engagement
After you’ve arranged the scenario to eliminate distractions or interruptions, you’ll want to begin to interact in the conversation. Engaging specifically means not monopolizing the dialogue, only providing your own thoughts and ideas. Engaging takes place when you use what I refer to as “reversals” – these are small nudges to encourage the person to continue talking about him-herself.
Some suggestions for reversals would include:
1. “That’s interesting. Can you tell me more about that?”
2. “That’s interesting. Can you tell me how that was for you?”
3. “I hadn’t thought about that. Can you tell me how you came upon that?”
These functions work for three purposes. First, to demonstrate you are actually listening; second, you can validate the person’s thoughts and feelings; and lastly, mildly reinforce that you want the other person to share more.
The most important part of reversals is to use them naturally and organically; don’t make it feel like a scripted interview that feels forced into the conversation. Your intent is to make the other person feel safe and willing to discuss their own thoughts or feelings.
Demonstrating Genuine Interest Through Body Language
Your words and actions are undeniably important to making someone feel special, but your body language is equally applicable. In this effort, non-verbal communication can support or derail your effort to express interest and respect.
Consider an open, engaged posture. Lean in slightly when the other person is speaking; make appropriate eye contact to signal your presence; nod your head and express appropriate facial engagement that is connected to the other person’s words. Small things can communicate so much about your level of interest and respect.
I frequently tell clients that verbal and non-verbal messages must be consistent. You may say everything right; however, if your body language says you are not interested or are distracted, words will mean very little.
Empowering Others to See Their Potential
One of the most gratifying parts of my job as a life coach is helping people recognize and claim their potential. Most people come to me with a narrowed view of what they can really accomplish. Sure, it is nice to say, “You can do better,” but it is an entirely different experience to have someone help you understand your own greatness and what you can do, which I do on a regular basis.
All of this is not just empty praise or no-strings-attached encouragement. This is about taking the time to appreciate someone’s skills, background, and purposes on a higher level and then helping them see the link between these and a larger universe of opportunity.
For instance, with Mark’s story, once I went through his entire account with purpose and took extensive notes along the way, I saw some documented patterns of resilience and idea generation that Mark had never recognized before. When I reflected these traits back to him, contextualized by a set of potential opportunities, and after contributing my own ideas as well, he began to see himself through a different lens. Again, I wasn’t simply saying, “You can do better,” I was using Mark’s own esteemed qualifications and life experiences to demonstrate that he was certainly capable of much more than he had previously permitted himself to think.
The Power of Informed Encouragement
When motivating someone toward a grander goal, you want your encouragement to be based on your understanding of what they can do and what their situation is instead of generic, uplifting praise, which may sound empty. Rather, take it upon yourself to learn the story of the person’s history, regarding their accomplishments and obstacles they may have encountered. Relying on your information, you could then change your comments to explicit supportive encouragements based on their situation.
You could say, “I’m sure you could do better,” to something more concrete, “I noticed how you handled that tough project last year, and I’m confident you have the ability to take on this new leadership role.” This kind of argument of concrete support would likely stir greater confidence and inspiration.
Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability
To genuinely allow someone to feel remarkable, it is necessary to establish a space that allows individuals to feel safe when being vulnerable, which is to create a space that doesn’t allow for any judgment where people can share their fears, doubts, and insecurities without the fear of being judged or their thoughts dismissed.
In my practice, I have found that when people can feel safe enough to be vulnerable, they are often able to articulate what it is that they really want and what is keeping them from doing it. That space allows for deeper interactions and support.
The Ripple Effect of Making Others Feel Extraordinary
The brilliance of mastering the technique of making others feel remarkable is that it goes beyond a single connection with an individual. When you practice those skills consistently, you impart a wave of positivity and empowerment throughout your personal and professional life.
When individuals feel valued and acknowledged, they collaborate better with each other, leading to enhanced innovation. Friends and family share more information with you, deepening the relationship. When strangers share this shared sentiment, even a brief interaction becomes a moment of real connection and mutual respect.
Making others feel remarkable is a powerful vehicle for creating bonded, meaningful connections and creating personal and professional growth. In a world of division and isolation, making others feel remarkable is a significant way to serve humanity. Create moments where others are seen, heard, and valued. Create moments that truly connect people.
Authentic interest, active engagement, body language, and informed encouragement lead to interactions that are impactfully positive. That means you do not have to be over the top or praise someone excessively. It simply means you are aware and invite people into a space where they feel wonderful being who they are – and wanting to be the best they can be.