Do you struggle with having a healthy view of yourself? Does the self love phenomenon leave you confused and numb because you don’t know how to practice self love and weren’t modeled positive, self-affirming behaviors? Then this is for you.
While we might think that self love is a narcissistic pursuit and self-centered, that couldn’t be further from the truth. The ability to be self aware, with a strong dose of self worth and self care, creates happier, well-adjusted lives. You never have to compare yourself or concern yourself about what the next person is doing again because your own life is so exciting.
So if self love seems frivolous to you, you might be missing out on some amazing benefits that would permeate throughout your life. If you’re interested in some practical ways on how to learn to love yourself, here are ten tips to help you on your way.
1. Get To Know Yourself
Do you ever wonder how other people seem to just be so comfortable as themselves and know themselves inside out? Does your brain buffer when you hear the dreaded “So tell me about yourself?” A lot of us have been there and a fun solution actually exists for those moments.
Take an A4 paper or your notes on your tablet and put your name on the top. Divide the page into 4 parts. Label these quadrants as likes, dislikes, weaknesses and strengths. Now, start filling in the spaces under those quadrants. You don’t have to do them in order, just go with your flow. It definitely helps to be alone and allocate time for this exercise, however long you feel comfortable. Also, definitely save these pages (because there will be many).
The purpose of this activity is to essentially get to know all of you, flaws and all and to accept and embrace it. Think of it as dating yourself. You hang out with yourself, giving you all of your attention and really engaging with who you are. You will, over time and consistent practice, truly know who you are and what you are capable of.
2. Ditch Negative Self-talk
Do you find that your inner critic is more ruthless than others? Does that inner voice sound like a tape repeating hurtful and discouraging things, constantly feeding you fear? As humans, we struggle with some form of doubt every now and then. However, as we enter into a new chapter of being the love to ourselves we wish we had, the negative self-talk has got to go!
3. Build Personal Rituals
Do you start your day on a bit of a disorganized foot? Do you not feel grounded or guided in your daily life and feel disconnected from yourself? Creating a ritual, be it daily or weekly, can help ease this issue.
Rituals are meaningful practices that carry a deep sense of purpose.. As opposed to a habit, rituals require you to be a bit more mindful and focused. Take time out of your busy day for self-care rituals, whether it’s physical activity, meditating, journaling or praying.
4. Show Yourself Compassion
Do you tend to beat yourself up with cruel self talk? Do you not allow yourself to do anything until it’s perfect or close enough for you and still judge yourself for not being good enough? This behavior is harmful to you as it affects your sense of self worth and self esteem. By not giving yourself any grace for being flawed or human, you stunt your own growth and withhold love from yourself.
Self-compassion is similar to showing compassion to other people. It’s a practice of noticing that you are suffering and then offering yourself understanding and kindness.
A suggestion here is to practice embracing whatever emotion you feel. Instead of repressing it or letting it completely overwhelm you, you acknowledge it as it is and also how you can be later. For example, say you are feeling sad. You acknowledge that emotion is normal, that’s currently how you’re feeling and you can settle into it and it can eventually pass.
5. Find Your Self Love Language
Author Gary Chapman wrote a book, The 5 Love Languages, about the ways that people show and receive love. In it, he reveals forms, namely: words of affirmations, gifts, acts of service, physical touch and quality time. These love languages can also be applied to the self in many different ways, depending on the love language that you resonate with.
Joyce Marter, LCPC, expressed a sentiment on how to use this system for your own personal well-being. Imagine treating yourself every day as if you were someone you genuinely care about. By discovering your self-love language, you can incorporate daily practices that nurture and support you, ultimately helping you feel better overall.If you have Receiving Gifts as your love language, you can, for example, buy the things you want that bring positivity into your life or investing in your interests or bucket-list experiences. The purpose of this is to learn to become comfortable in your own presence.
6. Create Space For Self-Reflection
As humans, we can be extremely hard on ourselves, especially if it’s in the aftermath of a setback. Sometimes, things don’t go according to plan. No matter how well we plan. We punish ourselves for mistakes when we can instead learn from them.
Instead of self blame, you can use these failures as an opportunity for personal growth. Some examples of self-reflection can take the form of a weekly review, a journaling session, A routine meeting with a trusted friend. to reflect on recent experiences and challenges.or in therapy, if you are able to attend.
There are no failures if you learn and grow from mistakes; there are only lessons learned.
7. Set Boundaries That Actually Stick
Do you find yourself saying yes to everything even when you’re already overwhelmed? Do you feel guilty for wanting time to yourself or protecting your energy? Learning to set boundaries isn’t selfish – it’s essential for self-love.
Boundaries are basically your personal guidelines for how you want to be treated and how much of yourself you’re willing to give. They protect your mental space, your time, and your emotional well-being. When you consistently let people cross your boundaries, you’re sending yourself the message that your needs don’t matter.
Start small. Maybe it’s not answering work emails after 8 PM or saying no to social events when you need to recharge. Practice phrases like “I’m not available for that” or “That doesn’t work for me.” You don’t need to justify every boundary you set. The people who truly care about you will respect them.
8. Celebrate Your Small Wins
Do you only acknowledge your achievements when they’re big and obvious? Do you brush off compliments or downplay your successes because they don’t feel “significant enough”? This habit is robbing you of joy and self-appreciation.
Your brain is wired to notice problems and threats – it’s a survival thing. But this means you have to consciously train yourself to notice what’s going right. Did you have a good conversation with a stranger? Celebrate it. Did you opt for a salad instead of fast food? That counts too. Did you get out of bed on a hard day? That’s actually huge.
Keep a small notebook or use your phone to jot down one thing you did well each day. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking. The goal is to retrain your brain to notice your efforts and progress, no matter how small. Over time, this builds genuine self-appreciation and confidence.
9. Stop Comparing Your Behind-the-Scenes to Everyone’s Highlight Reel
Do you scroll through social media feeling like everyone has their life together except you? Do you compare your struggles to other people’s successes and wonder what’s wrong with you? This comparison game is killing your self-love before it even has a chance to grow.
Here’s the truth: everyone is struggling with something. That person posting about their amazing vacation might be dealing with anxiety. The friend who seems to have the perfect relationship might be working through serious issues. You’re comparing your internal reality to their carefully curated external image.
Try this: when you catch yourself comparing, ask “What story am I telling myself about this person’s life?” Usually, you’ll realize you’re making assumptions based on limited information. Then redirect that energy back to your own journey. Focus on being better than you were yesterday, not better than someone else is today.
10. Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes
Do you replay embarrassing moments from years ago? Do you hold grudges against yourself for decisions you made when you had less knowledge or experience? This self-punishment isn’t protecting you from future mistakes – it’s keeping you stuck in the past.
Forgiveness isn’t about pretending your mistakes didn’t happen or that they didn’t have consequences. It’s about releasing the emotional charge around them so you can move forward. You made those choices with the awareness, resources, and emotional state you had at the time. That’s all anyone can do.
Write a letter to your past self, recognizing your experiences. and growth.the pain or regret you feel, but also extending understanding and forgiveness. You can keep it private or even burn it afterward. The act of writing helps process those emotions and creates closure. Remember, you can’t change the past, but you can choose how much power you give it over your present.
FINAL THOUGHTS
The journey to true self-compassion and love is a long one but you shouldn’t let that discourage you. Instead, think of all of the versions of yourself you’ll get to meet and the experiences you’ll have as you devote yourself to you.
By making just a few changes, you can foster greater self-love.. If you select one or two of these self-love actions, you will start to accept and love yourself more. If you’ve gotten this far, we’d like to thank you for taking the time to read this until the end. We hope that you’ve enjoyed this and that you feel a bit more confident about implementing more self loving practices in your life. And remember: you matter!
