When Your Life Feels Like It’s Happening to You
I remember sitting across from Sarah, one of my first coaching clients, fifteen years ago. She looked exhausted, like she was carrying the weight of the world. “Linda,” she said, “I feel like I’m drowning in my own life.”
Maybe you’ve felt that way too. Like you’re watching your days slip by, wondering how you ended up here, feeling stuck in patterns that drain your soul.
The truth is, most of us sleepwalk through life, reacting instead of creating. We let circumstances dictate our days, then wonder why we feel so powerless.
But here’s what I’ve learned from working with hundreds of people over the years: You have more control than you think.
The Foundation: Taking Ownership of Your Story
Life is like gardening—you can’t control the weather, but you can decide what to plant and how to tend your soil.
When I talk about taking ownership, I’m not suggesting you blame yourself for everything that’s happened to you. That’s not fair, and it’s not helpful. What I mean is this: regardless of how you got where you are, you’re the only one who can decide where you go next.
This shift in thinking changes everything. Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?” you start asking “What can I do with what I have?”
The Power of Personal Responsibility
Let me share something personal. A few years back, I went through a difficult divorce that left me questioning everything. I could have spent years angry at my ex-husband, angry at the circumstances, angry at life itself.
Instead, I chose to focus on what I could control: my response, my healing, and my next steps. That choice didn’t make the pain disappear, but it gave me back my power.
When you stop waiting for someone else to fix your life, something beautiful happens—you realize you’ve had the tools all along.
The Three Pillars of a Life You Love
After years of coaching, I’ve discovered that people who build lives they truly love focus on three core areas:
1. Your Inner World (The Mindset Foundation)
Your thoughts are like seeds—plant weeds, get weeds; plant flowers, get a garden.
I’m not talking about toxic positivity here. Life is hard sometimes, and pretending it isn’t doesn’t help anyone. What I’m talking about is learning to manage your mental state so you can make better decisions.
Practice emotional regulation:
- When something triggers you, pause before reacting
- Ask yourself: “Is this thought helping me solve the problem?”
- Develop healthy ways to process stress (walking, journaling, talking to friends)
Remember, you don’t have to believe every thought that pops into your head. Some thoughts are just mental chatter—acknowledge them, then redirect your focus.
2. Connection and Service (Looking Beyond Yourself)
Here’s something that might surprise you: the happiest people I know aren’t the ones who focus most on their own happiness. They’re the ones who’ve found meaningful ways to contribute to others’ lives.
You don’t need to start a nonprofit or volunteer at a soup kitchen (though those are wonderful). Service can be as simple as:
- Really listening when a friend needs to talk
- Helping your neighbor with groceries
- Mentoring someone younger in your field
- Being the person who brightens someone’s day
When you shift from “What can I get?” to “What can I give?” your entire perspective changes. Problems that seemed overwhelming suddenly feel manageable.
3. Embracing Growth Through Trial and Error
I wish I could tell you there’s a perfect formula for creating your dream life, but there isn’t. What works for your sister might not work for you. What worked for you five years ago might not fit who you are today.
The secret is becoming comfortable with experimentation.
Think of it like cooking. The first time you try a new recipe, it might not turn out perfectly. But each attempt teaches you something—too much salt, not enough cooking time, a different technique that works better.
Building a life you love works the same way. You try something, learn from it, adjust, and try again.
Making Peace with Your Imperfect, Beautiful Life
Here’s the hardest truth I have to share: You can love your life even when it’s not perfect.
I know that sounds impossible when you’re struggling. But loving your life doesn’t mean everything is going smoothly. It means accepting that you’re human, that growth is messy, and that your worth isn’t determined by how “together” you appear.
Some days will be hard. Some seasons will feel like winter—cold, barren, seemingly endless. But even winter serves a purpose. It’s when the soil rests, when trees store energy for spring’s growth.
The Daily Choice
Every morning, you wake up with a choice: Will today be about moving toward the life you want, or will it be about staying stuck in patterns that don’t serve you?
This doesn’t mean every day has to be productive or positive. It means that even on difficult days, you can choose to be gentle with yourself, to take one small step forward, to remember that tomorrow offers new possibilities.
Your Next Step Forward
Right now, as you’re reading this, I want you to think about one small thing you could do today that would move you toward a life you love more.
Maybe it’s:
- Having an honest conversation with someone you care about
- Taking a walk to clear your head
- Saying no to something that drains your energy
- Starting that project you’ve been putting off
The specific action doesn’t matter as much as the intention behind it. What matters is that you’re choosing to be an active participant in your own life.
You Already Have What You Need
I believe in you—not because I think you’re perfect, but because you’re human. And humans have this incredible capacity to adapt, to grow, to create meaning from even the most challenging circumstances.
Your journey matters. Your struggles have taught you things that no one else knows. Your dreams, even the ones that feel too big or too late, deserve your attention.
The life you love is waiting for you to build it. Not someday, not when everything aligns perfectly, but now. Today. With what you have, where you are, as you are.
What will you choose?
Remember: Creating a life you love isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being willing to keep asking better questions and taking the next right step, even when you can’t see the whole staircase.
