Forget the relationship gurus selling you courses. Forget the Instagram therapists with their perfect scripted advice. Want to know where the most brutally honest relationship wisdom lives? Reddit.
Thousands of real people, in real relationships, sharing what actually works when you’re trying to love another imperfect human without losing your mind in the process.
I dove into the relationship advice goldmine on Reddit, and holy shit—it’s way better than most of what’s in $30 self-help books. No fluff, no Instagram quotes in cursive font, just people who’ve been in the trenches telling you what they wish they’d known sooner.
Space doesn’t mean you’re failing
“It’s okay not to want to spend 100% of your time with your spouse. Not every moment of every day will be perfect, and sometimes it requires effort to maintain a good relationship. I love my wife dearly, but there are days when I’d prefer to do things on my own.”
This. Right here. This is the shit nobody tells you before you move in together.
You’re sold this fantasy that healthy relationships mean wanting to be together 24/7. That needing alone time means something’s wrong. That if you’d rather take a walk by yourself than hang out with your partner on a Saturday afternoon, your relationship is doomed.
Bullshit.
Real relationship truth: Healthy couples understand that maintaining your identity as an individual makes you better partners. “Don’t lose yourself as an individual in a relationship,” one Redditor warned, and they’re absolutely right.
You need time to miss each other. You need space to be bored with yourself instead of expecting your partner to constantly entertain you. You need moments where you remember who you are outside of “we.”
It’s you and them vs. the problem, not you vs. them
When you disagree, keep in mind that you’re on the same team. You should be fighting a problem, not each other.
This might be the single most important shift in how you approach conflict. Most couples fight like they’re opponents in a courtroom—trying to win, keeping score, proving they’re right.
But here’s what actually changes relationships:
Stop treating your partner like the enemy when there’s a problem. The problem is the enemy. You’re both on the same side, trying to figure out how to solve it together.
When you approach disagreements as “us vs. the issue” instead of “me vs. you,” everything changes. You stop keeping mental tallies of who was right. You stop trying to “win” arguments. You start actually solving problems.
Communication isn’t just important—it’s everything
“Communication is the foundation upon which everything else is built. The saying ‘don’t go to bed angry’ exists not because anger affects your sleep, but because it signifies a failure to communicate effectively and a resignation to the conflict.”
The real reason “don’t go to bed angry” matters isn’t some mystical sleep thing—it’s that going to bed angry means you gave up on talking it through. You chose silence over solution.
But here’s the nuanced part Reddit gets right:
Timing matters. If you feel angry about something, wait until you are well-fed, well-rested, and have warm extremities before discussing it, but make sure to talk about it at the first opportunity.
Don’t try to have difficult conversations when you’re hangry, exhausted, or cold. Your brain literally cannot problem-solve effectively in those states. But also don’t let things fester for days just because you’re waiting for the “perfect” time.
Say what you actually mean
Be direct in your communication. Hinting can be frustrating for everyone involved and is often less effective. It’s usually more helpful to say, ‘Please take out the garbage,’ rather than, ‘Wow, that trash really smells.’
Stop playing the hint game. Stop expecting your partner to decode your sighs, eye rolls, and passive-aggressive comments.
If you want something, say it.
Not: “Wow, the kitchen is a mess.”
Say: “Can you help me clean the kitchen?”
Not: “You never listen to me!”
Say: “I really need you to let me cry on your shoulder right now”.
Your partner isn’t a mind reader. They’re not even particularly good at reading social cues when they’re focused on something else. Just be direct. It’s not unromantic—it’s efficient and respectful.
Learn to be bored together
“Learning to be bored together is important. You don’t always need to be busy, planning activities, or trying to be fun and exciting. It’s perfectly fine to just sit together in silence, not doing anything or talking to each other. It’s not unhealthy, I promise.”
This one hits different when you’ve been together a while.
Early relationship energy is intoxicating—everything’s exciting, every conversation is fascinating, every moment together feels electric. But that’s not sustainable, and it’s not supposed to be.
Healthy long-term relationships include comfortable silence. Sitting together while you both scroll your phones. Existing in the same space while doing completely separate things. Being together without needing to entertain each other.
If you can’t be bored together, you can’t actually be together long-term.
Be honest even when it’s uncomfortable
“You must be honest with each other, especially during tough times. My boyfriend and I sometimes get uncomfortably real, and we’ve both learned to listen to criticism without being defensive.”
The couples who make it aren’t the ones who never have problems—they’re the ones who can talk about problems without destroying each other.
This means:
- Calling each other out on bullshit behavior
- Accepting criticism without immediately getting defensive
- Being willing to hear hard truths about yourself
- Giving feedback without attacking character
“I’ve had him call me out for certain behaviors that nobody has ever called me out on, and I’ve done the same for him. We’re both better people for it.”
That’s the real shit. Not Instagram-worthy, but effective.
Nobody’s perfect (and that’s the point)
“Your spouse will not be perfect, and neither will you. There will be mistakes and misunderstandings along the way. What truly matters in a relationship is not achieving perfection but rather how you both manage each other’s imperfections with respect and understanding.”
Stop waiting for perfect. Stop expecting it. Stop performing it.
The goal isn’t perfection—it’s learning to handle imperfection gracefully. With humor. With patience. With the understanding that you’re both works in progress trying to build something together.
The little things matter more than grand gestures
Small, frequent gestures of affection hold much more significance than a single grand gesture made infrequently. For instance, a heartfelt love note tucked into someone’s lunch, or a text expressing that you’re thinking of and missing them, means much more than an expensive gift.
Forget the Valentine’s Day theatrics if you’re not showing up the other 364 days.
Daily affection beats occasional romance performances.
A random “thinking of you” text beats a dozen roses you bought because you felt obligated. Remembering their coffee order matters more than remembering to be romantic on anniversaries.
Don’t air your dirty laundry
Avoid discussing arguments with your significant other with others. They often hear the negative aspects, but rarely know about the resolution.
Your friends and family only hear about the fights, not the reconciliations. So they develop a skewed view of your relationship and start suggesting you break up over shit you already resolved.
Keep relationship issues between you two (and a therapist if needed). Don’t trash-talk your partner to people who only get your side of the story.
Fight fair or don’t fight at all
If you’re going to fight, always fight fairly. Both of you know exactly what you can say or do to land a low blow and potentially win the immediate confrontation, but it will damage the relationship, sometimes irreparably.
You know your partner’s deepest insecurities. You know exactly what to say to hurt them badly. Don’t use that knowledge as a weapon.
Winning the argument by landing a devastating blow is losing the relationship. Some things, once said, can’t be taken back.
After every fight: hug, apologize, eat
After every fight, hug each other, apologize, and say, “I love you.” Eat something together, as that always helps.
This simple formula is more effective than most couples therapy techniques:
- Physical reconnection (hug—even if you don’t feel like it)
- Verbal repair (apologize for your part, express love)
- Basic self-care (eat something, because low blood sugar makes everything worse)
Don’t let resentment marinate. Repair quickly. Move forward.
The bottom line from Reddit
Real relationship advice isn’t flowery or romantic. It’s practical, sometimes uncomfortable, and always honest:
- Communicate clearly and often
- Fight problems, not each other
- Maintain your individual identity
- Be honest even when it’s hard
- Learn to be bored together
- Handle imperfection with grace
- Show up consistently in small ways
- Fight fair or don’t fight at all
Relationships aren’t fairy tales. They’re two imperfect people deciding every day to choose each other despite the mess.
That’s it. That’s the real shit.
No course to buy. No perfect scripts. Just showing up, being honest, and treating each other like teammates instead of opponents.
Reddit gets it. Maybe it’s time you did too.
- Why Good People Do Terrible Things(And What It Teaches Us) - October 8, 2025
- 7 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable (And How to Fix It) - October 7, 2025
- 10 Things to Know About Your Crush Before You Start Dating - October 6, 2025
