“You said never be a victim of your own expectations. But what if you’re becoming a victim of other people’s expectations?”
This is the question I get asked all the time. You want to make a big change in your life, but the people around you — your parents, your spouse, your kids — they’re not supporting you. They’re resisting. And you’re confused.
Let me tell you why they’re resisting. And why they might be right.
The comfort zone isn’t just yours
Here’s what happens: when people get a certain standard of living, it becomes their right. You can’t take it away from them.
Let me ask you something: if your salary doesn’t increase for two years, does it bother you that much? Probably not. But if your salary decreases by even 5%, what happens? It bothers you a lot.
Why? Because what you have becomes your right. Once you get something, you feel like something’s being taken away from you if it reduces.
I have a wife, kids, and parents. They all have their own lifestyle. They all have their own way of living. If I do something without touching their lifestyle, nobody cares. But if I disrupt their lifestyle to do something new? Then it matters. And it should matter.
Because your decision isn’t just your decision. It’s going to affect their lives too.
Why your family is resisting
When you make a decision on your own and expect your family to understand and support you — stop right there.
Your decision could be wrong. And if it’s wrong, it’s not just your life that gets ruined. Your spouse’s life gets ruined. Your kids’ lives get ruined.
So why shouldn’t they protest?
If you’re asking them to compromise for the next year while you try something new, why should they? This sounds harsh from the outside, but listen with a cool head. Don’t let your mind jump to quick conclusions.
The real question
What if I told you: do whatever you want to do, but don’t touch your family’s lifestyle? Build a structure where their lifestyle isn’t affected. Then do whatever you want.
But if you’re taking such a big risk that they have to compromise for a year, and your calculations could be wrong — there’s a strong possibility your calculations will be wrong because 90% of our life decisions aren’t correct, especially related to business and self-employment — then what?
You’re calculating that everything will be fine after one year. But it’s also possible that after one year, everything becomes even worse than it is now. Then what will you do? What will they do?
So if they’re protesting, maybe it’s for your own good. But you’re not understanding.
When parents say no
If your parents are telling you, “Don’t do this work, there’s too much risk,” and you’re saying, “You don’t understand me, there’s a generation gap,” let me ask you something:
Do your parents not understand the work? Or do you understand it? Are you an expert in that work? Have you consulted with any expert? No. You just feel like the work will go well.
The right way to take risks
Always move forward in life in such a way that old structures don’t get affected. They remain intact. And you keep building new structures alongside them.
For example, if I’m doing this work and because of it my family’s life gets affected, they have the right to tell me, “Why are you doing this?” But if I haven’t touched their life at all, do they have the right to say anything to me?
What I’m saying is: I’m not reducing the lifestyle you had before. But now you can’t stop me from doing what I want to do as long as it’s not affecting your life.
Yes, if I’m doing something that affects their life, that’s a threat to them, they have to compromise, their lifestyle will get worse, they have to adjust — then there will be protest. There will be resistance.
This is called designing your life. This is called planning your life.
The two-front battle
Always, whenever you do something new in life, do it in such a way that you protect the old structure. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck on two fronts.
One front: the new structure you’re trying to build. Some new work you’re doing, some new risk you’re taking. That itself is huge tension. Creating anything new carries huge risk. Taking any new step carries huge risk.
Second front: your home. Your spouse or other people are telling you this isn’t good. If both sides are pressuring you, you’re finished.
So if people in your home, your spouse, others are speaking up — that’s good. And if your parents are just saying yes to everything? There’s a strong possibility the child will get spoiled.
How to think clearly
When these moments come in life, what should you do? Stop. Take paper and pen calmly. Draw a line down the middle. Write plus on one side, minus on the other. What are the pluses of this work? What are the minuses?
Maybe you’ll understand yourself that the minuses are more and pluses are less. Maybe you’ll rethink your entire strategy. Should I take this big step or not? Should I take it now or five years later? Should I take it this way or some other way?
What happens is our minds are very narrow. Don’t feel bad hearing this. But the education system and our society’s structure has made our minds such that we can’t think broadly.
The work you want to do — there isn’t just one way to do it. There are a million ways. Are there other options besides what you’re thinking? Or is this the best option? Do you know it’s the best option? There might be other options that are much better than this.
The narrow thinking problem
Your problem is: I have to leave this job, I have to do this work. You’re looking at things at a very basic level.
It could also be: I do this, and this, and this, and this, and this. And I automate everything. Or delegate it. Or I do this full-time, and this part-time.
Learn by doing, not by watching
You watch my videos. You listen to my words. But you never deeply understand what I’m saying. Actually, it’s not even important what I’m saying. You should look at what I’m doing.
You come here and ask me, “Sir, since your spiritual videos, we’re confused — should we go the spiritual path or the work path?” What a stupid question.
Have I chosen one and left everything else? Have I chosen between family, business, and this work I’m doing? Has my family life gotten worse? Have my relationships gotten worse? Or because of this work, are they getting better?
Truth? They’re getting better. Because by doing this, I’m learning so much about myself. You think I’m teaching you something? No. I have no interest in teaching anyone because you can’t learn.
Whoever wants to learn doesn’t need me. They have many ways to learn. They’ll learn from trees, from animals. And whoever doesn’t want to learn — a thousand people like me can sit and they still can’t teach them.
I’m not sitting here to teach you. I’m sitting here to learn.
Everything can coexist
Don’t try to do everything together by leaving things behind. See if by doing something, someone suffers a loss. See if you’re capable of taking that risk.
What does risk mean? It means the possibility of failure is very high and success is low. That’s why it’s called risk.
So after failing, will my existing life get better, or much worse, or stay the same? It should stay the same. Then you can say it’s a calculated risk.
But if your life will be completely destroyed after failing at that risk? That’s not a calculated risk. That’s just risk.
In your life, always take calculated risks.
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