40 Harsh Truths About Life I Wish I Knew Sooner

Letters to My Younger Self: I wish I could travel back in time

If I could sit down with my twenty-something self over a warm cup of tea and share everything I’ve learned in the past fifteen years of coaching amazing people like you, what would I say? What wisdom could I offer that might save her from some heartache, speed up her growth, and help her step into her power a little sooner?

These forty insights aren’t just theories I’ve read—they’re truths I’ve gathered from walking alongside hundreds of clients, from my own stumbles and breakthroughs, and from witnessing what truly creates lasting change in people’s lives. Some of these took me way too long to grasp, but that’s exactly why I want to share them with you now.

Understanding Your Unique Gifts

1. Talent is rarely what we think it is.
2. When I saw someone excel, I used to think, “They’re just naturally gifted.” But then I started paying closer attention. That “naturally talented” musician? She’s been humming melodies since she could talk. The business owner with the Midas touch? He’s been fascinated by how things work since childhood. What we call talent is often just deep engagement that started early. Your gifts might be hiding in what you’ve always been drawn to.
3. Fall in love with the messy middle.
4. Here’s what I tell every client who wants to improve: the people who truly excel are those who find joy in the unglamorous parts. The writers who love editing. The athletes who actually enjoy the repetitive drills. The entrepreneurs who get excited about spreadsheets and systems. You don’t have to love every moment, but if you can appreciate the process—not just the outcome—you’ll go further than you ever imagined.

Navigating Your Inner World

1. Both extreme optimism and pessimism will trip you up.
2. I’ve coached clients who were so positive they never prepared for challenges, and others so focused on problems they never took risks. Life requires both hope and realism—like a good friend who believes in your dreams but also reminds you to pack an umbrella. Dream big, plan wisely, and when things don’t work out, learn from it without losing your spirit.
3. Curiosity is your superpower against judgment.
4. Whenever you catch yourself thinking, “I don’t understand why anyone would…,” stop right there. That’s your cue to get curious instead of dismissive. Some of my greatest growth has come from exploring things that initially seemed foreign to me. Your confusion isn’t proof that something is wrong—it’s an invitation to understand something new about the world.
5. “I don’t know yet” is a complete sentence.
6. We live in a world that pressures us to have opinions about everything immediately. But you know what I’ve learned? Some of the wisest people I know are comfortable saying, “I haven’t thought deeply enough about that to have a meaningful opinion.” This leaves space for you to form thoughtful views later, rather than defending hastily formed ones now.
7. Your energy is precious currency.
8. Think of your care and concern like money in your emotional bank account. If you spend it on everything, you’ll have nothing left for what truly matters. I’ve seen passionate people burn out because they couldn’t say no to every cause, every drama, every urgent thing that crossed their path. Choose wisely what deserves your energy. This isn’t selfishness—it’s wisdom.

Creating Meaningful Change

1. Focus is everything.
2. Real transformation happens when you pour concentrated effort into one or two areas for an extended time. It’s like tending a garden—you can’t plant fifty different vegetables and expect them all to thrive without focused care. Pick one or two important changes you want to make, and commit to them fully before adding more to your plate.
3. Excellence requires going beyond “comfortable.”
4. I wish someone had told me earlier that extraordinary results come from extraordinary commitment. You don’t transform your health with moderate efforts three times a week. You don’t build a meaningful career working just hard enough to get by. When I decided to truly change something about my life, I had to be willing to go all in—not forever, but long enough to create momentum.
5. Your social circle shapes your ceiling.
6. This is one of the hardest truths I’ve had to face with clients: sometimes you outgrow friendships, and that’s okay. If your friends consistently discourage your growth or make unhealthy choices seem normal, you’ll find yourself pulled back to old patterns. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, but you might need to find new friends who support who you’re becoming.
7. You’re probably more popular than you think.
8. Here’s something that might surprise you: most people feel less popular than their friends. It’s not because you’re actually unpopular—it’s because people with lots of friends are more likely to be in your circle. So if you ever feel like everyone else has it more figured out socially, remember that you’re probably doing better than you think.

Building Authentic Relationships

1. Different relationships serve different purposes.
2. Not every person in your life needs to be your closest confidant, and that’s perfectly healthy. Some people are great for coffee chats but not for sharing your deepest fears. Some are fantastic collaborators but not hang-out buddies. Appreciate people for what they bring to your life without expecting them to be everything.
3. Networking doesn’t have to feel icky.
4. I used to dread networking because it felt so transactional. Then I learned the secret: focus on being genuinely interested in others rather than on what they can do for you. Ask about their challenges, share resources generously, and build relationships before you need them. When networking comes from authentic curiosity and helpfulness, it stops feeling manipulative and starts feeling human.
5. How you look affects how you’re treated.
6. I wish this weren’t true, but it is. The way you present yourself influences how others perceive your competence, trustworthiness, and value. This doesn’t mean you need to be conventionally beautiful or spend a fortune on clothes. It means being intentional about the impression you’re creating and aligning your appearance with how you want to be seen.
7. Consistency trumps intensity every time.
8. The clients who make lasting changes aren’t the ones who work incredibly hard for short bursts—they’re the ones who show up steadily over time. It’s like the difference between a sprint and a marathon. Most meaningful achievements in life are marathons. Pace yourself accordingly.

Communicating with Wisdom

1. Honesty without wisdom can be cruel.
2. Yes, honesty is important, but so is compassion. Before sharing hard truths with someone, consider whether they’re in a place to receive that information constructively. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is deliver necessary feedback in a way the other person can actually hear and use.
3. People often assume others are like them.
4. When someone constantly expects to be deceived, they might be the type who deceives others. When someone trusts easily, they’re probably trustworthy themselves. This insight has helped me understand people’s behavior so much better—and it’s also made me more aware of what my own assumptions reveal about me.
5. Don’t waste energy arguing with people who aren’t really arguing with you.
6. Sometimes when people react strongly to something you’ve done or said, they’re not actually responding to you—you’ve just triggered something deeper in their own experience. Understanding this can save you from taking things personally and from trying to defend yourself against criticism that isn’t really about you.

Making Smart Life Choices

1. Question what you’re staying attached to.
2. Regularly ask yourself: “If I weren’t already in this situation, would I choose to enter it now?” This applies to relationships, jobs, investments, commitments—everything. Just because you chose something in the past doesn’t mean you need to keep choosing it if it no longer serves you.
3. Most dating advice misses the point.
4. Instead of focusing on strategies to attract someone, focus on becoming someone worth being attracted to. Instead of wondering what men or women want in general, pay attention to what the specific person you’re interested in values. The best relationships happen when two people bring their whole, healthy selves to the table.
5. Make it easy for people to give you honest feedback.
6. People usually tell you what they think you want to hear, especially about sensitive topics. If you want real input, create safe ways for people to share it—anonymous surveys, asking for “advice for a friend,” or explicitly saying you want honesty more than kindness.

Understanding How the World Works

1. Numbers can mislead as much as they inform.
2. Statistics are powerful tools, but they can also paint very misleading pictures. Just because most people who do X also do Y doesn’t mean X causes Y. Just because something is statistically average doesn’t make it personally relevant. Learn to look beyond the numbers to understand what they actually mean.
3. Good service is an art worth mastering.
4. Whether you’re selling products, offering services, or just trying to be helpful, learn the difference between pushy and genuinely useful. Good service means understanding what someone actually needs and helping them get it, even if that means they don’t buy from you. This approach builds trust and long-term relationships.
5. Depth matters more than breadth in relationships.
6. It’s better to have a small number of people who truly understand and appreciate you than many who only know you superficially. Deep connections provide more satisfaction, support, and opportunities than a large network of shallow relationships.
7. Track your efforts daily, your results periodically.
8. When you’re working toward a goal, focus on what you can control day by day—did you do the work? Did you follow through on your commitments? Check your progress toward the actual outcome less frequently. This keeps you motivated and prevents you from getting discouraged by natural fluctuations.
9. Be selective early, generous later.
10. This might sound harsh, but it’s actually kind: be more discerning about who you invest your time and energy in initially. This allows you to give more generously to the people who truly value and reciprocate your investment. It’s better for everyone involved.

Expanding Your Possibilities

1. You usually have more options than you think.
2. When someone presents you with two choices, pause and ask: “What else is possible?” The marriage-or-singleness dilemma ignores long-term partnerships without legal contracts. The employee-or-entrepreneur divide overlooks freelancing, consulting, and portfolio careers. Most either-or scenarios are false limitations.
3. Money can absolutely improve your life—if you spend it wisely.
4. The research is clear: money spent on experiences, financial security, and helping others increases happiness. Money spent on accumulating stuff usually doesn’t. Earn what you can, but be strategic about how you use it to build the life you actually want.
5. People care about what you can offer them—and that’s natural.
6. This isn’t cynical; it’s human. When you’re applying for jobs, dating, or building friendships, people are (consciously or not) asking, “How will this person enhance my life?” Rather than resenting this, embrace it. Focus on how you can contribute value to others’ lives, and you’ll be amazed at how much value comes back to you.

Seeing Yourself Clearly

1. Caring about others’ opinions is normal and necessary.
2. Anyone who claims they don’t care what people think is either lying or lacking social awareness. The key is being selective about whose opinions matter to you. Seek feedback from people whose judgment you respect and who know you well. Ignore most everyone else.
3. You can absolutely change your personality.
4. Your personality isn’t fixed—it’s more like a set of habits that can be rewired with intentional practice. If you want to become more outgoing, practice socializing beyond your comfort zone regularly. If you want to be more disciplined, practice following through on small commitments daily. It’s hard work, but it’s absolutely possible.
5. The best time to start is now, not January 1st.
6. New Year’s resolutions fail because they’re usually things you’ve been avoiding. If you’re waiting for a “perfect” time to start working on something important, you’re probably just procrastinating. The motivation to change usually comes after you start, not before.
7. Different beliefs require different approaches to change.
8. Some people’s opinions are based on logic and facts—these can be shifted with better information. Others are based on emotions and identity—these require empathy and connection to change. Before trying to change someone’s mind, understand what their current perspective is built on.
9. Being difficult costs you opportunities you’ll never know about.
10. When you’re consistently negative or hard to work with, people stop thinking of you for good opportunities—and they usually won’t tell you why. The job openings, social invitations, and collaborations you miss because of a difficult reputation are invisible to you, which makes this problem particularly insidious.

Taking Responsibility Wisely

1. Not everything needs someone to blame.
2. When problems arise, our first instinct is often to find who’s at fault. But many challenges—economic shifts, natural disasters, social changes—don’t have villains behind them. Sometimes focusing on solutions is more productive than focusing on blame.
3. Self-acceptance without growth isn’t self-love.
4. True self-love means wanting the best possible life for yourself, just like you’d want for someone you adore. If you love someone, you encourage their growth, celebrate their progress, and support their efforts to overcome challenges. Settling for less than your potential isn’t loving yourself—it’s giving up on yourself.
5. Your work becomes part of who you are.
6. Whatever you spend 40+ hours a week doing shapes your thoughts, skills, and identity significantly. If you feel disconnected from your work, that’s a signal to either find meaning in what you’re doing or find work that feels meaningful to you.
7. “Follow your passion” is incomplete advice.
8. Just because you love something doesn’t mean you can build a career around it. Instead, look for the intersection of what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can grow to love. Passion often develops through mastery and purpose, not the other way around.
9. Question conventional wisdom, but don’t reject it entirely.
10. Yes, be a critical thinker. Yes, question what everyone assumes is true. But remember that most conventional wisdom exists for good reasons. Don’t swing so far toward contrarian thinking that you dismiss valuable guidance just because it’s commonly accepted.
11. Default to what you want unless there’s a compelling reason not to.
12. Most of us are trained to automatically consider what we “should” do before asking what we want to do. Try flipping this: start with what you want, then ask if there are important reasons to choose differently. You might be surprised how often the answer is “no good reason at all.”
13. Invest in yourself earlier than feels comfortable.
14. Every time I’ve invested money in coaching, courses, or skill development, I’ve wished I’d done it sooner. The returns on self-investment compound over time, so starting early gives you the maximum benefit. Whatever goal you’re working toward, getting good guidance and support early will accelerate your progress dramatically.

A Parting Thought

Sweet friend, if there’s one thing I want you to take from this, it’s this: you don’t have to figure everything out on your own. The learning curve of life is steep, but it doesn’t have to be lonely.

I spent too many years thinking I needed to discover everything through trial and error. Now I know that learning from others—their mistakes, their insights, their hard-won wisdom—is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.

Your journey matters. Your growth matters. And you don’t have to wait until you’re “ready” to start creating the life you truly want.

I believe in you completely.

With all my love and support,

Linda