Have you ever wanted to know if you’re on the right path, or if everything you’ve been doing is just wasted time?
Maybe you’ve hit a milestone birthday and suddenly questioned everything. Are you where you’re supposed to be? Have you learned anything? Or did you just waste years going through the motions?
Turning 30 often makes people audit their lives. Researchers say the approach of a new decade feels definitive—like a marker of progress. At 29, you’re still figuring things out. At 30, if you’re still lost, it feels like you’ve squandered your potential.
But here’s what I realized: writing down what you’ve learned isn’t about proving you’re successful. It’s about understanding what matters so you can actually live by it. These aren’t commandments—they’re reminders to myself, lessons I keep forgetting. Maybe you’ll find something useful here too.
People matter more than anything else
Have you noticed that on their deathbed, nobody talks about the promotion they got or the car they bought? They talk about relationships. The people you love are what actually matter—more than work, ambitions, or material things. Internalize this and prioritize accordingly.
Failed goals aren’t as devastating as you think
Didn’t get that job? Got rejected from the program you wanted? These failures don’t derail your life the way you fear—not if you don’t let them. If you persist, what you end up doing instead often proves just as satisfying. Don’t let disappointment kill your drive.
People aren’t thinking about you as much as you think
Do you worry constantly about what others think? Here’s the truth: they’re not thinking about you nearly as much as you imagine. Fret less.
Read everything you can
Reading shows you that many people have survived the same failures, anxieties, and predicaments you’re facing now. Your struggles aren’t unique. Your feelings aren’t isolated. Reading reminds you that you belong.
See more live music
It’s hard not to take your problems seriously. But life also has elements that make it undeniably wonderful. Family is one. Live music is another. You can never see too much live music.
Go for walks regularly
Preferably through nature. It’s therapeutic and beneficial in every way. There’s a reason successful people like Steve Jobs and Charles Dickens were obsessive walkers.
Find work that gives you purpose
Purpose is what propels you forward. As Nietzsche wrote, “He who has a Why can tolerate almost any How.”
The catch? Finding purpose requires strategy, curiosity, bravery, and persistence. You have to try different things, fail, work for free, then try again. This search lasts years for most people.
Have you noticed that people making something admirable of themselves reject their lazy impulses? They challenge themselves continuously. They don’t dismiss curiosity about writing, coding, or real estate—they say, “Screw it, let’s try this,” then actually try it.
Get really good at what you do
Being good at something is deeply gratifying. Plus, people will pay you to do things you enjoy and are good at.
How do you improve? First, study people already good at what you want to do. Think about what they do well and why it works. Take them out for drinks and ask everything. Then practice correctly—longer and more diligently than most think necessary. Strategy plus repetition equals improvement.
Be reliable
It doesn’t matter how talented you are if people can’t trust you to show up. Be on time. Do what you say you’ll do. Don’t be drunk or stoned when you shouldn’t be. The sober version of you is typically the most effective version.
Stay in good shape
A sound body equals a more reliably sound mind. Exercising and eating healthy make you feel better. Life is more enjoyable when you feel better.
Treat yourself sometimes
Life is less fun if you never allow yourself a cookie or a beer. Reflect on what brings you joy, then indulge appropriately.
Take care of your mental health
For a long time I felt ashamed about struggling with anxiety and depression. But that was stupid, because pretending you don’t feel bad is the best way to continue feeling bad. Bad feelings fester.
To struggle with anxiety is to be alive. Don’t feel bad about worrying over your mental health. Treat your mind like any other essential tool.
Listen to your body
If after five hours on the couch you feel anxious, that’s a sign you should move. Your body and mind are employees of the soul. Listen to what they’re telling you.
Practice moderation
There’s such a thing as having too much fun. Watching TV becomes draining the longer you do it. Drinking becomes more taxing the harder you do it. You can’t operate like you did in college forever, when the goal was just having fun. That approach makes you kind of an asshole as an adult.
Be empathetic, patient, and kind
This is the big one. Being empathetic and kind requires more than lip service—you have to do good things. Tell people they look great when they’ve made an effort. Help with projects. Show you care. Recognize people’s efforts. Don’t lie. When someone messes up, don’t jump down their throat—take up arms beside them to find a solution.
Support artists however you can
Give money to street performers. Share essays and articles you find important. Good art makes life worth living.
Love is what makes life worth living
The kind of love you cultivate with a partner is probably the most powerful kind that exists. My life got meaningfully better after I committed to my partner—not just to being faithful, but to making her happy and building a life together that’s beautiful, fun, and safe.
You give bits of yourself to everyone. Save the whole damn pie for one person.
Celebrate others often
Much of life is a slog we forget. Celebrations, though, we remember. They punctuate life. Throw lavish birthday parties. Toast to promotions. Get excited about little things—they take up outsized space in your mind.
Don’t do dumb, dangerous things
Don’t endanger yourself or others. Stay smart. Don’t operate vehicles while messed up. This includes bicycles. Trust me.
Try new, scary things
As long as they’re not inappropriately dangerous. Somewhat dangerous? Do it. Expand your horizons. Acquire experience.
Broaden your perspective constantly
We’re limited to one pair of eyes, but there are many ways to interpret any situation. Lending credence only to your immediate interpretation is less effective and less interesting.
Establish a productive daily routine
Strategic repetition makes you better. I only became a decent writer after creating a routine with two to three hours of daily writing. I only got in shape after building exercise into my routine. You’re a product of your routine. Construct it accordingly.
Never stop practicing
To practice is to keep the blade sharp. To remain skilled, happy, empathetic, or self-aware, you have to work continuously. You can never become complacent—not if you want to keep improving. To improve is to live. To let your abilities rot is to begin to die.
You’re always practicing something
When you waste hours scrolling social media, you’re practicing laziness. When you flake on friends, you’re practicing flakiness. Be self-aware.
Surround yourself with people who value growth
You become a product of who you surround yourself with. Surrounding yourself with people who maintain growth mindsets makes it easier for you to do the same.
Be a team player
Collaboration in service of the communal goal is infinitely more important than selfish concerns about pride or personal accomplishment. Respect your peers. Never be a jerk. Maintain perspective.
Think before you speak
A lot of people try to be good, empathetic team players. Then they say something without considering their tone or how their words might be misinterpreted, and they upset people they care about.
The things we say are important and immutable. Think before you speak.
Apologize when you’re wrong
If you hurt or slight someone, apologize genuinely with remorse and understanding. Admit when you’re wrong.
Stand up for yourself
You’re not always wrong. As someone who fears disappointing others, this is hard for me. But you have to be willing to advocate for yourself, stand up to bullies, and demand what you’ve earned. Stay present in uncomfortable conversations. Don’t buckle. If you don’t stand up for yourself, no one else will.
These lists are for the writer, not the reader
Seriously. Lists like this serve more to help the author than the reader. Don’t interpret them as scripture. Distill whatever wisdom seems relevant to your life, then discard the rest and move on.
Better yet, sit down and write your own list. If you’re in the grips of some existential crisis, it will remind you what you have to be thankful for and what remains for you to focus on.
Final thoughts
So, have you thought about what you’ve learned? Most people go through life never taking stock of the lessons. They experience things, feel things, then forget and repeat the same mistakes.
Writing this wasn’t about proving I’m wise or successful. It was about articulating what I want to remember—principles I keep forgetting when life gets messy.
The truth is, I’m still figuring things out. At 30, I don’t have life solved. But I know more than I did at 18, when I got fired from Jamba Juice for being “subconsciously incompetent” at blending smoothies.
These 30 points aren’t commandments. They’re North Stars—reminders of what matters when I lose my way. Some might resonate with you. Others might seem irrelevant. That’s fine.
Take what’s useful. Leave the rest. Then go call someone you love, take a walk, or write your own list. Because the act of thinking about what you’ve learned—of excavating those lessons from your subconscious and giving them words—that’s when they become real. That’s when they can actually guide you.
And maybe that’s the only way to combat those moments when you stand at your window wondering if you’re on the right path. Not by having all the answers, but by knowing which questions matter and which principles you want to follow as you search for those answers.
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