Have you ever wanted to move in with someone without that nagging feeling that you might be missing something important? Maybe you’re excited about the next step, but part of you is wondering if you’ve actually talked about the things that matter—the real, day-to-day stuff that’ll either make or break living together.
Most couples rush into moving in because it “just makes sense”—lower rent, closer to work, or just feels like the natural thing to do. But then you’re 18 months in, fighting about dish soap brands and realizing you never talked about what happens when money gets tight, or how often your mom’s allowed to stay over.
No mind-reading powers here. So how do you actually know you’ve covered the important ground? Here’s a real conversation starter: 25 questions that most couples skip but actually need to ask.
Table of contents
Money & Bills (The Stuff That Ruins Relationships Fast)
1. How much can you realistically spend on rent or mortgage?
Not “how much should we spend”—what’s the number that won’t stress you out every month? Write it down separately, then compare. If one person’s comfortable with $1,200 and the other needs $800, that’s a real problem you need to solve now, not later.
2. Who pays what, and how?
Split 50/50? Based on income? One person covers rent, the other covers everything else? There’s no perfect answer, but you need one that doesn’t breed resentment. If one of you makes significantly more, pure 50/50 can feel unfair to the lower earner. Pick a system and stick with it.
3. What about utilities, internet, groceries?
Is it all combined, or do you split certain things? Who’s in charge of actually paying the bills, or do you take turns?
4. Do you each have debt, and how much?
Credit cards, student loans, car payments—it matters. Not because you’re responsible for it, but because it affects whether one of you has money for emergencies, or if you’re trying to save together.
5. What’s your credit situation?
If you’re thinking about getting a lease or mortgage together, bad credit can tank that. Better to know now than when you’re at the signing table.
6. What happens if one of you loses their job?
Can you cover rent for a month or two on one income? What’s the plan—do you tap savings, ask family, or immediately look for cheaper housing? This isn’t a nice-to-know; it’s essential.
7. How do you each handle money in general?
Are you a saver or a spender? Do you budget? Do you even think about where money goes? If one person’s tracking every dollar and the other’s buying random stuff without thinking, you’re going to clash.
The Daily Reality: Chores, Habits, Cleanliness
8. How clean is “clean enough”?
This one destroys more relationships than money sometimes. For you, does “clean” mean spotless, or is a pile of laundry in the corner acceptable? Does dishes in the sink for two days annoy you, or is it fine? Talk specifics.
9. Who does which chores, and how often?
Someone likes cooking, someone hates it. Someone’s okay with cleaning the bathroom, someone would rather eat glass. Map it out: who handles laundry, dishes, bathroom, kitchen, floors, trash. If you both hate something, how do you deal with it?
10. How do you feel about mess in general?
Can you leave stuff out, or does everything need a place? Do clothes belong in drawers or on the floor next to them? If you’re a “leave it where you took it off” person and they’re a “that’s disgusting,” you’ve got a problem.
11. What are your personal habits that might bother someone else?
Do you shower at midnight? Leave wet towels on the bed? Keep 47 bottles in the shower? Eat in bed? Pick your nose? Tell it now, not three months in.
12. What’s your sleep schedule like?
Are you up till 2 AM and they’re asleep by 9? Do you snore, sleepwalk, or thrash around? Do you need absolute silence or can you sleep through anything? Bedroom compatibility is real.
13. How often do you do laundry?
Once a week? Twice? Only when you run out of underwear? If one person’s doing laundry every three days and the other’s fine with once a month, whose standard wins?
14. Do you have a morning routine that can’t be messed with?
Some people need 45 minutes in the bathroom before work. Others shower in two minutes. If you’ve got one bathroom and both of you are trying to get out the door at 8 AM, this needs planning.
Space & Personal Boundaries (This Matters More Than You Think)
15. How much alone time do you each need?
Are you someone who needs to be around people all day, or do you recharge by being alone for hours? If one person’s an introvert who needs quiet time and the other’s an extrovert who finds silence depressing, you need a game plan for that.
16. Do you have a space that’s just yours?
A hobby corner? A desk? A room where the other person doesn’t just walk in? Or is everything shared? Some people suffocate without their own space.
17. What’s your rule about personal stuff—phone, email, diary?
Are you the “no privacy” couple or the “you have your life, I have mine” couple? Where’s the line, and do you both agree on it?
18. How do you feel about your partner’s friends coming over?
Are friends always welcome, or do you need advance notice? What about surprise hangouts? If one of you wants friends over constantly and the other prefers a quiet home, that’s a real friction point.
Fighting & How You Handle Conflict
19. When you fight, what does that usually look like?
Do you yell, get silent, throw things, cry, leave the room? What’s your pattern, and what’s theirs? Fighting styles can be wildly different, and if you don’t know how to handle theirs, resentment builds fast.
20. What are your dealbreakers in an argument?
Is name-calling off-limits? Is bringing up old fights okay? Is leaving during a fight acceptable or does it make things worse? Set some rules now before you’re in the heat of it.
21. How do you normally resolve arguments?
Do you need space first, then talk? Do you hash it out immediately? Does one person give in to keep the peace? Do you laugh it off? There’s no right way, but you need to know the way that works for both of you.
22. How do you each handle stress or bad days?
Do you want to be alone or do you need support? Do you want to talk about it or just have someone sit with you? If someone comes home upset and you immediately try to fix it, but they just want to vent—you’re going to misunderstand each other.
The Bigger Picture: Future & Dealbreakers
23. Where do you see this living situation going?
Is this temporary before you get married? A long-term thing? Forever? Are you moving in because it makes financial sense, or because you’re planning forever?
24. What would make you want to move out or end this?
If living together isn’t working—what’s the breaking point? Would you try counseling? Would you move to separate places but stay together? Is it a breakup situation? Better to know now.
25. Are you on the same page about kids, pets, or major life changes?
Kids or no kids? A dog or a strict no-pet household? A career move that might require relocating? These aren’t small details if you’re serious about this person.
Final Thoughts
So you’ve got the questions. Here’s what to actually do: sit down together, not when you’re upset about something, and go through these. You don’t need fancy worksheets. Just talk through them, listen to what they actually say, and see if you’re on the same page.
Moving in together is one of the biggest tests a relationship goes through. You go from seeing each other when it’s convenient to being around each other all the time. The couples who survive it aren’t the ones who never fight or never disagree—they’re the ones who talked about this stuff first.
If some of these conversations feel hard or impossible, that might be telling you something too. But if you can get through these 25 questions and still feel good about moving in together, then you’re probably ready
- 21 First‑Date Questions That Actually Show You Their Values (Not Just Their Hobbies) - November 24, 2025
- 25 Questions To Ask Before Moving In Together (So You Don’t Waste 2–3 Years) - November 24, 2025
- 30 Things I’ve Learned About Living Well - November 23, 2025
