So, guessing by the fact that you’re reading this, you’ve got someone special on your mind and you’re wondering if it’s time to make things official. Well, congrats on getting this far! That’s exciting stuff.
But here’s the thing—before you jump into all the relationship territory, wouldn’t it make sense to really get to know them first? After all, having butterflies doesn’t automatically mean you two are a good match. Don’t worry though, psychology’s got our backs here. There’s actually a lot we can learn about checking compatibility before diving in headfirst. With that said, here are 10 things worth knowing about your crush before you commit:
1. How They Give and Receive Love
Have you ever wondered why someone might not feel loved even when you’re doing everything you can for them? Well, relationship therapist Gary Chapman figured out that we all have different “love languages”—basically the ways we naturally show and feel love. Some people need physical touch, others want to hear loving words, and some feel most cared for through gifts, helpful actions, or quality time together. Now, what does this mean for you? If your crush feels loved through acts of service but you’re constantly buying them gifts, they might not actually feel as appreciated as you think. So knowing their love language can save you both a lot of confusion down the road.
2. Whether Your Core Values Match Up
Do you notice how some couples just seem to “get” each other’s life choices? That’s usually because their values line up. And sure, when you’re in that exciting honeymoon phase, differing values might not seem like a big deal. But trust me, it matters more than you’d think. If you value family time above everything and they’re all about career ambition to the point of working 80-hour weeks, that’s going to create friction eventually. The bottom line is this: shared values mean you want the same things out of life and you’re guided by similar principles, which makes understanding each other so much easier.
3. How Their Past Shapes Their Present
Here’s something important—our past experiences, especially the painful ones, don’t just disappear when we start dating someone new. Psychologist Nicole LePera points out that romantic relationships actually bring up our old wounds, particularly around attachment. If your crush experienced abandonment or neglect growing up, that’s going to show up in how they relate to you. Now, this doesn’t mean run away if they’ve got some baggage—we all do. But knowing about it helps you understand their reactions better. For example, if they have an avoidant attachment style, they’ll probably respond way better to you giving them space and being patient rather than trying to force closeness.
4. Their Track Record in Relationships
Have you remembered to look at patterns, not just isolated incidents? Before getting serious, it’s worth gently finding out about your crush’s relationship history. Do they have a pattern of cheating? Or maybe they jump from relationship to relationship without taking a breath? What caused their past relationships to end, and more importantly, what did they learn from those experiences? Now, you don’t want to come across like you’re interrogating them. But understanding these patterns helps you see if they’ve grown from past mistakes or if they’re likely to repeat them.
5. How They Treat Themselves
Pay close attention to this one—how does your crush handle it when things go wrong? Do they beat themselves up over every little mistake, or can they show themselves some compassion? When they fail at something, do they blame everyone else or take constructive responsibility? Can they bounce back from setbacks or do they just give up? And guess what? According to psychologists, the way someone treats themselves is usually a mirror of how they’ll treat their partner. So if they’re constantly harsh and critical with themselves, that’s probably going to spill over into your relationship too.
6. Whether They’re Open to Growing
Do you know what relationship researchers found? People actually value partners who help them become better versions of themselves. Couples who grow together—not just stay together—tend to have more affection, better intimacy, less fighting, and way more satisfaction overall. Because let’s be real, when a relationship makes you feel stuck or like you’re not moving forward, it gets old fast. So before committing, see if your crush can actually listen to feedback without getting defensive, communicate openly about problems, and work on improving themselves rather than just avoiding issues or making excuses.
7. How They Handle Stress and Conflict
Here’s something people don’t think about enough—how does your crush act when they’re stressed out or angry? Do they shut down completely and go silent? Do they lash out and say things they don’t mean? Or can they actually talk through difficult emotions in a healthy way? Life’s going to throw stress at you both constantly, so their stress response really matters. If so, you want to see if they can handle pressure without taking it out on you or withdrawing completely. After all, conflict’s going to happen in any relationship—what matters is whether they can work through it constructively or if they avoid it altogether.
8. Their Relationship With Money
Now, this might seem unromantic, but money causes more arguments in relationships than almost anything else. Are they a saver or a spender? Do they stress about every purchase or spend without thinking? What are their long-term financial goals? Research shows that arguments about money are actually one of the biggest predictors of breakups. Financial compatibility isn’t about making the same amount of money—it’s about whether your approaches to spending, saving, and managing money are going to cause constant tension or not. So those are a couple of things worth discussing before things get serious.
9. The Chemistry in Boring Situations
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to have fun with someone when you’re doing exciting things? Well, here’s a better test—what psychologists call the “DMV test”. Can you two still enjoy each other’s company when you’re stuck in traffic, waiting at the doctor’s office, or dealing with boring everyday stuff? If you can make mundane situations fun together, that’s real chemistry. Because relationships aren’t all date nights and adventures—most of life is actually pretty ordinary. And if you can’t stand being bored together, that’s going to be a problem down the line.
10. Their Level of Emotional Intelligence
This one’s huge. Can your crush recognize their own emotions and manage them in healthy ways? Can they pick up on how you’re feeling and respond with empathy? Emotional intelligence basically means someone can understand and handle emotions—both theirs and yours—in mature ways. Studies show that people with higher emotional intelligence tend to have better interpersonal skills and are more successful in their personal and professional relationships.enjoy more fulfilling relationships because they communicate effectively, manage conflicts constructively, and establish deeper emotional connections. They won’t just hear what you’re saying—they will actually understand you on a deeper level.
To wrap this up, just because you’ve got strong feelings for your crush doesn’t guarantee you two will actually work well together. Having real conversations about these 10 areas can help you both figure out if you’re truly compatible or if you’re just caught up in the excitement. Because as relationship therapists point out, you can’t really love someone you don’t truly know.
So, do you think you know your crush well enough to start dating them? Or is there still more you need to find out first?
- Why Good People Do Terrible Things(And What It Teaches Us) - October 8, 2025
- 7 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable (And How to Fix It) - October 7, 2025
- 10 Things to Know About Your Crush Before You Start Dating - October 6, 2025
