How to be the person who wins people’s hearts
Have you ever met someone who leaves an indelible impression — someone you just can’t seem to forget? For me, that person is my dear friend Olivia.
I first met Olivia three years ago when my friend James raved about this “amazing, unforgettable woman” he was dating. I’ll never forget his excitement as he urged me to meet her. At the time, I figured he was just caught up in the energy of a new relationship. But I agreed to join them for dinner to make James happy.
Little did I know that I was the one about to meet an unforgettable person.
That was three years ago. Since then, Olivia has continued to astonish me with her remarkable spirit and steadfast friendship. Now I understand why James was so effusive. Truly, Olivia makes an enduring impact on everyone she meets.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that certain qualities set Olivia apart. They are what make her unforgettable. By cultivating these qualities ourselves, we can positively influence our own relationships and connections.
1. Give Others Your Full Attention
We’ve all been on the receiving end when someone checks their phone or lets their gaze drift while we’re talking. It sends the clear message that we just don’t matter to them. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t make us feel respected or valued.
Olivia never makes me feel this way. She looks at me directly when we chat, her posture facing me. I have her complete focus and know that what I’m saying is important to her.
How You Can Apply This: Eliminate distractions when someone is talking to you. Give them the gift of your undivided attention. Not only will they feel respected, you’ll better retain what they say.
2. Judge Less, Understand More
It’s so easy to form snap judgments about people, often based on our own biases. But Olivia chooses understanding over judgment. She knows there are always multiple perspectives.
I once shared a sensitive personal issue with Olivia. It wasn’t easy to talk about. But Olivia listened earnestly, reserving judgment as she tried to grasp my vantage point. Instead of opinions, Olivia offered compassion.
How You Can Apply This: Catch yourself when forming hasty judgments about someone’s actions or values. Consider what may be influencing their choices before deciding you know better. People will feel respected, not judged, in your presence.
3. Express Genuine Interest in Others
Some people seem to only talk about themselves and their interests. But Olivia cares about other people’s lives. She asks thoughtful questions and intently listens to the answers.
Olivia makes me feel like I have something intriguing to share. Around her, mundane details of my day take on new brightness. It’s this genuine, uplifting interest Olivia takes in people that makes her so unforgettable.
How You Can Apply This: Develop a curiosity about others’ experiences. Ask open-ended questions and listen deeply to expand your understanding of different perspectives. People will feel valued, and you’ll form deeper connections.
4. Offer Help Without Expecting Anything in Return
Last year, on a road trip, Olivia and I stopped to help a woman change a flat tire. Olivia chatted amicably with the woman as we worked. She asked nothing about herself in return.
A few weeks later, Olivia met a prospective new client who raved, “My wife was right about you!” Turns out he was the husband of the woman we’d helped that day. He chose Olivia for the job based solely on his wife’s glowing review of Olivia’s selfless assistance.
Olivia helps people with no thought of getting anything back. And her reward is always the same — meaningful new connections.
How You Can Apply This: When you go out of your way for someone, don’t look for compensation or reciprocation. Help purely for the sake of helping. That spirit of generosity will come back to you manifold.
5. Maintain Healthy Boundaries
James doesn’t love solo travel. But Olivia cherishes her occasional solo trips, which allow introspection and adventure.
Despite James’ protests, Olivia sustains this replenishing custom. Yet she balances her needs with care for her relationship. She delineates her boundaries without compromise but also with sensitivity. Olivia stays true to herself while prioritizing mutual understanding.
How You Can Apply This: Assert your boundaries judiciously and explicate them compassionately. You honor your authentic self while also demonstrating respect and care for others’ perspectives — the makings of healthy relationships.
6. Speak Openly But Mindfully
Olivia speaks plainly. But she also speaks mindfully — with care for the impact of her words. Olivia would never insult someone in anger or carelessly divulge a sensitive confidence.
I can entrust my deepest feelings to Olivia to ensure her fair counsel won’t spread beyond us. Olivia’s discretion nurtures the trust that catalyzes meaningful dialogue. It’s a chief ingredient of her magnetism.
How You Can Apply This: Consider both content and delivery when self-expressing. Does your message showcase respect? If not, pause and re-center until you can speak your truth without compromising dignity — yours or another’s. This care with communication forges bonds of trust.
7. Make Time to Take Care of Yourself
Despite Olivia’s packed schedule, she carves out time for self-care with the same commitment she would a crucial work deadline.
She meal prep on Sundays to stay nourished. She begins each morning by meditating to ground her mind. And she blocks off timeslots midweek to exercise. Olivia knows that caring for herself keeps her energized to care for others.
How You Can Apply This: Don’t relegate self-care to leftover time; give it prime real estate on your calendar. When you nurture a healthy mind, body, and spirit, you gain reserves to generously support people you care about.
8. Remain True to Your Word
How often do our promises to help someone out crumble against the granularity of logistics, fading into non-existence? But Olivia’s word is as reliable as they come. If she says she will do something, it gets done.
Last fall, I was moving apartments in a time crunch. Despite an overloaded schedule, Olivia upheld her offer to pitch in. I never doubted she would honor her word. Olivia lends help freely because she never casually volunteers what she can’t earnestly provide. Her stalwart reliability makes her integral support.
How You Can Apply This: Before committing your time or resources, examine whether you can realistically follow through. It’s better to give an apologetic no now than to offer a promising yes that dissolves into disappointment later. Embody dependability instead of evanescence.
9. Lift Others Up
Olivia seeks out and speaks about the good in everyone. She focuses less on people’s flaws and more on eliciting their talents. With earnest encouragement, Olivia helps friends, family, and even strangers recognize their latent gifts.
Just last week, I was doubting my creative skills on an important project. As I voiced my insecurities, Olivia interjected, reminding me of previous successes bolstering my confidence. She builds people up rather than tears anyone down.
How You Can Apply This: Be the voice that redirects people’s attention to their strengths. Remind your loved ones of their talents and shine a light on their beauty when they cannot see it themselves. This generosity of spirit ripples out exponentially.
10. Exude Gratitude
Above all, Olivia lives with an attitude of gratitude — appreciating her gifts rather than bemoaning her burdens. She begins each day by writing down three things she is grateful for.
Olivia emanates gratitude, not just in her words but also in her overall spirit. Her appreciation is infused into even casual conversations, brightening the mood around her. Olivia reminds people that, despite inevitable hardships, there exist innumerable blessings in our lives.
How You Can Apply This: Write down 3 to 5 things you feel grateful for every day. Let the habit reprogram your mind to notice abundance over deficiency. When you shift perspective from what you lack to the gifts you’ve been given, an outlook of gratitude will naturally distill into your essence — and uplift everyone around you.
The enduring friendships and illuminating conversations Olivia kindles stem from stellar qualities like these. We can all incorporate such attributes into our character. When we do, we become the type of person who leaves an indelible, uplifting impression wherever we go. We become unforgettable in the best possible sense.